Relationship advice for Social Media

As I was flicking through the lifestyle section of my weekend newspaper, I noticed an article titled Get Ready For Love. The first paragraph read:

Have you been blaming your non-existent love life on commitment phobics, obsessive types, or the fact that you just haven’t met “the one” – when it could just be that you’re not ready? Emotionally ready, that is.

If you want to charm your way into the hearts of others, you might first need to deal with what could be driving love away in the first place. Here’s how…

Even though I’m in a happy relationship, I didn’t read the article for love advice, but instead it got me thinking about social media (which in itself is kinda sad). You see, both seeking a partner and interacting with social media require a certain level of commitment, communication and compromise for the relationship to work.

To explain this better (and so you can see how similar the two really are) I’ll paraphrase parts of the article, but apply the content directly to social media…

The process starts with you

It’s great that you want to become involved in social media, but if you’re expecting the experience to make you feel complete, or instantly grant you popularity and rockstar status, then you’ve got the wrong ideas and you really aren’t ready.

Think about it – if you’re wholeness relies solely on others, you’ll find that whenever you approach someone online (whether it’s to request to be included in their social media friends list, promote an article or just to ask for assistance) you’ll come across desperate and potentially drive them away.

Feeling good about yourself is your responsibility. If you’re not happy with your blog, your website, your online profile within your particular niche etc. it’s up to you to change that. Once you are confident (without being arrogant about it) you’re far more likely to appeal to others in the online world. Which will subsequently gain you votes and accolades.

Don’t try and be someone you’re not

Stop comparing yourself to the top Digger’s, Stumbler’s, Sphinner’s etc. Each one of these people have achieved such rankings slowly, but more importantly, they’ve done it by being themselves and by providing a quality contribution to the community they’re involved with.

Instead of spending your time trying to be like them – focus more on your reading and writing. Find articles that you think are particularly good and promote them. Then try and figure-out what drew you to that article, and try and incorporate some of those aspects into your own work. I’m not saying to change what or how you write – but sometimes simple things like incorporating images with your text can make huge differences.

The more confident you are with your writing and voting the more chance people will listen to what you have to say. However if you spend all your time promoting articles that you think others will like instead of being yourself, you’ll never make it to the top.

Also, remember that not every community is perfect for everyone. I personally don’t do a lot of Digging, but I do spend a fair bit of time on StumbleUpon and even more time on Sphinn.

But I’m shy…

It can be intimidating adding comments to blogs and promoting articles to communities with tens of thousands of users/readers. It can be daunting writing your own blog posts and asking others to have a look to see if they like what you’ve written.

If you’re terrified that everyone will hate what you have to say, start small – find local blogs or smaller communities and gradually start contributing. One of the beauties of the online world is that things move so quickly, and there is so much stuff out there that a silly comment is generally forgotten about very quickly (if noticed at all).

The more you contribute, the better you’ll become and less daunting it will seem. If you are particularly concerned, find of the more respected people within your chosen social media community and ask for their advice on how to contribute and be involved.

The one thing that many of these Social Media Guru’s have in common is that they are very open and approachable. I know this from experience as I have messaged many well respected people in the communities I’m involved with and received some great feedback and advice.

Twitter can be another great tool to communicate with some of these people as well.

This is also a good way of starting a relationship with them and in time (if you don’t spam them constantly) they will probably even help you promote an article or two of your own.

Social media happiness

If you can follow the above advice, be involved, be friendly, don’t expect people to vote on or like everything you submit, write with passion and find communities that appreciate this… you shouldn’t have too many problems in the social media world.

It can take time, and on your way to the top you’ll often wonder why others seem to get more of a mention than you do, but the more you read, write, interact and contribute the better you will become and others will probably start thinking the same about you.